Why Self Control Can Make Or Break Your Life

Written on December 13, 2007 by Tezza

Thursday’s weekly guide to Personal Growth from 4EvaYoung.com

When I hear the term self control I immediately conjure up images of monks laboring for hours in a meditative state. While this may not be far off the mark considering that self control is a theme espoused in many religious contexts, self control can also be a useful discipline that can have wide ranging benefits to your overall life and well-being.

In fact during the 1960’s psychologist Walter Mischel conducted a now famous experiment affectionately known in many circles as the “Marshmallow Test” where he gathered a group of 4 year old children to study the importance of impulse control and delayed gratification for academic, emotional and social success. The test involved giving a marshmallow to the four year old and telling them that if they could wait till the researcher returned in 15 minutes they would get another marshmallow.

Mischel followed the group and found that, 14 years later, those children who were able to exhibit self control and restrained themselves from taking the first marshmallow went on to become better adjusted children in later life. They coped better socially and were more self assured of themselves. Surveys conducted on their teachers showed they had greater aptitude in academia, were more trustworthy and dependable. They also outperformed their counterparts in exams such as the SATs.

The results of Mischel’s experiment illustrates that self control is crucial to living a successful life. Thankfully self control is a skill that can be improved over time for those who have poor impulse control. Here are some benefits of improving self control in your life:

1. Your Actions Are Determined By Your Focus

The difference between those children who ate the marshmallow and those who waited weren’t necessarily determined by sheer gritted determination, remarkable disciplined agility or strong will power. Those who ate the marshmallows tended to focus on the marshmallow and labored their thoughts around whether they should eat it or not. While those who waited tended to spend less time focused on the marshmallow sitting on the table.

We are all given dominion over our daily thoughts, according to Charlie Greer “the National Science Foundation suggest that the average person thinks about twelve thousand thoughts per day. A deeper thinker…puts forth fifty thousand thoughts daily.” The reality is that many of those thoughts were the same as the ones you had yesterday.

We can all decide what we focus our thoughts on, they are either constructive to our larger well being or they are destructive to our sense of self. We can all make that decision every day, to either lament over past pains, hurts, worries or you can focus on more powerfully enriching thoughts that move you closer to your higher self.

2. Short Term Thinking Produces Long Term Pain

In the age of immediacy, self control has largely taken a back seat in many peoples vocabulary. Self control isn’t about denial and sacrifice, rather it’s a balancing force in one’s life to ensure that our lives don’t go on wild emotional swings. Eating the marshmallow without waiting out the full fifteen minutes might grant the recipient short term pleasure but it is always short lived.

It’s a kin to many adults who in later years go on to purchase consumables on credit without a thought as to whether they can afford it, whether it was really necessary or what would happen to them if their financial circumstances changed in the future. Short term thinking to experience instant gratification leads to all sorts of addictions because in order to relive that feeling of pleasure, joy or fullness it must be repeated again.

Rather than constantly be at the mercy of external factors to give you that sense of self worth, is it not more prudent to find it from within. It’s not about punishing yourself, rather practicing self control through being present in your life is far more pleasurable than constantly trying to escape it through feeding your addiction. Begin by analyzing your life, determine which areas are doing well and which areas aren’t doing so well. Then figure out what decisions and choices you made to get you there and what can you change to create a better circumstance in your life.

3. Lack Of Self Control Leads To Destructive Habits

When Mischel did his follow up fourteen years later on the children the difference between those who ate the marshmallow and those who didn’t were startling. Coincidence, environment and other factors couldn’t possibly explain the differences in the two groups. Those children who exhibited poor self control in the initial experiment were found to later show destructive habits both in school and in their personal lives. They were found to be more susceptible to taking drugs, had a lower attendance at school and were prone to making poor life choices.

Without self control we are all at the mercy and influence of external forces. We would be prone to react at the first thought that came to mind, we’d end up buying everything that looked shiny and cool. we’d probably all skip work and arguments could end up getting someone seriously hurt or killed. Thankfully self control provides that bridge from our initial thoughts to our eventual actions.

Be that person that commits themselves to regular evaluations on how they are doing with respect to habits in their life. It you have a habit of slouching in front of the TV for hours after work, raiding the fridge for food when your emotional or reaching for a cigarette when you feel stressed then these are all great places to start by changing the habit one day at a time. Commit to making daily goals of weeding out these destructive habits. Instead of reaching for the remote when you get home after work why not try for thirty days to spend that hour with your wife or partner. Instead of reaching for the closest cup cake when your frazzled, commit to walking or jogging around the block to calm your nerves. Give it a go for thirty days and don’t cheat. See how your life improves for the better.

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